Finding Midheaven
by papayabelly
Summary: She's all about celestial longitudes. If the girl wasn't so stubborn, she'd see he's begging her to make him a believer too. (Kisame & Tenten)


An astrology-inspired take on Tenten's character. Slightly AU.

* * *

Finding Midheaven

* * *

Deftly rolling a small blade between her fingers, Tenten yawned as she stared at the ornate ceiling of the prince's throne room. She snorted to herself in amusement, drawing a strange look from his majesty's armed guards. Blushing slightly and throwing a sheepish smile at the lower level ninja, Tenten reminded herself that they already thought their commander was a weirdo, and random unladylike sounds like that didn't help. Though, it was natural; Tenten snorted when she thought something was funny, and the thought of the prince was hilarious. Not only him, but the whole mission in general. It was so hilarious that it was kind of sad, and making jokes about this depressing excuse for an assignment was the only thing currently preventing her from losing her mind to boredom. With her other hand, she absentmindedly fingered the jade earring in her right lobe, contemplating why the universe had done this to her. Was it trying to teach her about humility? A resounding slap and one of the guard's startled yelps drew her out of her mundane reverie.

"Commander, help!" cried a fellow ninja, who strung his arms around the perpetrator's neck as she thrashed wildly in the afflicted guard's direction.

"She just attacked for no reason!" he said, still reeling backwards, face turning bright red from the powerful impact.

Tenten put her blade back with the many others stored in the belt holster hidden underneath her sash. Leaping from her large silver seat, she executed a perfect front-hand spring before sticking it solidly on the floor next to her subordinates and the distressed "she" in question: a 400-pound arctic seal. Wearing a tiara.

"Probably because she's bored," she remarked. She then bent over into a handstand. The two guards exchanged confused looks. Tenten began pacing back and forth on her hands, grinning at the snarling giant mammal. She followed the young woman with her shiny black eyes, at first only appearing to become angrier and continuing to flail wildly.

"Look at me Kiki," cooed Tenten. "look at what I can do."

Gradually, her snuffling turned from ferocious to curious and her movements slowed. After about ten seconds, she had stopped baring her teeth and now looked to be pouting.

"Wanna try?" Tenten asked. "It's easy!"

Nodding eagerly, Kiki thrust the guard from her neck and into the nearby wall. His red-faced partner quickly ran to his aid. Tenten watched as the creature bound to her side, trying to push forward on her large flippers, which resulted in slipping under her own massive weight and flopping over into the white tile. The guards were horrified, expecting Kiki to go into another rage. However, the seal only panted happily as it got back up for another attempt. Tenten was pleased. Yoga fixed everything, even if you weren't good at it. She was steadfast in that belief, regardless of what certain stuffy old teammates back home thought. Ever since they had been preteens, Neji had berated her for her more offbeat interests, be it yoga, or fortune-telling, or collecting pairs of six-inch pumps that she never wore. Tenten would admit to herself that the last one was a bit odd—but gosh those heels were so thin and long and _sharp_. Anyway, she was finished caring about what he thought. Sure, maybe she had reasons to have been self-conscious when she was younger, but just look at her now! She was doing big things…like entertaining an overgrown pet seal with the scorpion pose. Sighing as she watched Kiki collapse onto the floor for the third time, Tenten cheerily suggested they try something different.

"Let's do the monkey instead and work our way up to the scorpion!" she chirped, stretching herself forward so that her feet connected with the cool tile and she flipped her limber form right-side up without batting an eyelash. Holding her palms out on either side of her body, Tenten seamlessly shifted down into a flawless split. The two guards were mesmerized. Kiki whimpered and rested her head on the floor, covering her eyes with her flippers and waving her tail in the air behind her.

"Oh yeah," she said, scratching the back of her head. "you don't have any legs."

One guard put a hand to his forehead. The other one was fixated on the smooth convex arch of Tenten's back.

"Hm…" Tenten said, stroking her chin. "maybe the sitting kangaroo?"

She held her hands out in front of her, wrists loosely bent so her hands hung down and fingers curved ever so slightly. Before their impromptu yoga session could continue, a low rumbling shook through the entire chamber, the crystal water in the rectangular pool at the center trembling violently. Kiki sprung up, emitting an unsettled growl. Tenten resumed a standing position, and the guards also became immediately alert.

"Moku, Jo," she called to them. "get close to me."

They didn't need to be told twice. Scurrying over to their commander, they readied themselves for battle. Tenten produced four stilettos from her left wrist's gauntlet and held them tightly between her enclosed fingers. The water shook in a circular manner, exhibiting the beginning stages of a whirlpool. Concentrated vibrations quaked underneath their feet. Tenten's feline eyes stared into the manmade pond, daring it to bring forth something monstrous. However, with each passing second its efforts at swirling became weaker and weaker, until the time they had been standing went from one minute to three, and the rumbling had ceased entirely. She could still hear Kiki's growling increasing in volume.

Tenten felt an icy drop of water land on her head. Goose bumps erupted along her skin. She kneeled down at once in front of Kiki, saying "get on my back." The seal halted her growling and whined a little in fear. "It'll be okay," Tenten assured, looking back with a gentle smile. Feeling comforted by the woman's expression, Kiki nodded and inched closer to her. The weight hit Tenten like a colossal sack of blubber, which is basically what Kiki was. Tenten caught herself in the middle of the thought and admonished herself for being so harsh. After all, that sack of blubber had feelings and could have been insecure about her weight. A couple heavier plops on her head snapped her out of her musings.

"Move!" she commanded.

An enormous jet of water burst from the ceiling. It was shortly followed by two other jets that pounded into the floor, making the room shake again from their sheer force. The four of them had relocated to the throne platform, and Tenten let Kiki slide down into the seat the woman had been reclining jadedly in a mere ten minutes earlier. While she had been able to swiftly move Kiki from point A to point B, her back still ached from the transport. She wasn't sure if she would have been able to attempt carrying her at such a high speed if she hadn't been brought up with such strict weight-training. Expertise with heavy weaponry helped as well, though Kiki was quite different from a battle axe or war hammer. Her old sensei might have been the flamboyant type that still drove her and Neji crazy, but she'd be damned if he wasn't one of the best teachers she'd ever had. She swore by the techniques she had honed from a young age, even if they were being used to a haul a spoiled prince's giant pet seal.

From the center pool came a cyclone of water. It swirled madly as water overflowed into the chamber. Moku and Jo shielded Kiki as Tenten took a fighting stance in front of all three of them on the steps to the throne. As the gyrating waves subsided and revealed their creator, Tenten saw the demon who had put on the little display was smirking widely, showing a terrible mouthful of jaggedly sharp teeth. Menacingly tall with muscled, glistening cerulean flesh, the ninja had one hand around the scaly yellow handle of an immense, pulsating sword.

Tenten pursed her lips. "Looks like someone came all this way for nothing."

His face didn't falter. "What are you talking about?"

"He's not here," she spoke of the Prince, who had been at a safe house on the other side of the country since dawn.

"Who are you talking about?" the rogue asked, eyeing the throne behind her. Tenten's jaw became taut. Did he think she was that stupid?

"Your assassination attempt has failed, so just give up before you waste any more time. Unless…" she said, seeing the way the tip of one of her stilettos gleamed in the light. "you insist on being stubborn and fighting anyway."

His laughter was a dreadful guttural noise that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

"You're certainly confident, aren't you?" he challenged, taking a step forward. Tenten felt Moku and Jo tense up behind her. Kiki was silent.

"I know who you are," she said. "I know your group. But I am puzzled as to what reason you have for pursuing someone who seems so irrelevant to your goals."

His grip on the weapon slackened. "I still don't know who you're talking about."

This asshole. Tenten huffed. "The Prince!"

"What Prince?"

Tenten grit her teeth. "The prince whose palace you just _broke into_."

He was genuinely mystified by her words. "Palace?" Looking around at the waterlogged chamber he had destroyed, with its ice furniture in shambles, he inquired, "This is a palace?"

"Yes," Tenten seethed. "now explain yourself! What is your reason for coming after the prince?"

"Listen girl," he replied, getting irritated. "I don't know what prince you're talking about. I honestly thought the Land of Frost didn't have Princes anymore. But I suppose the Snow Village has always been backwards."

"Hey!" Moku said, offended. Jo nudged him in the ribs to shut up.

Tenten furrowed her brow. "But if you're not here for the Prince, then…"

"I'm here because I'm hungry," he said. "and I can smell that thing's sweet blood from miles away."

She froze. "You can't mean—"

"Oh, I do," he interrupted. "now move aside so I can sink my teeth into that colossal sack of blubber."

Kiki was back to growling louder than ever. Moku and Jo held their long kunai in defense and Tenten launched her stilettos straight at her big blue target. "She. Has. _Feelings!_ "

He dodged the projectiles easily and found himself parrying one of her curved handheld blades with his sword, which not only dwarfed the trinket but also its wielder in comparison. Her hold on it was strong, however, and he figured she must have had a lot of upper arm strength to push against him without being flung backwards. She let her tinier weapon glide along the side of his vast one as she gained enough leverage to spring above the sword, using it as a stepping surface for a half-second before flying upwards, firing more stilettos at him as she was upside down in midair. This time they met their mark, but unfortunately it dissolved into liquid. A tendril of water rose and wrapped around the sword's hilt from the other corner of the room as Tenten landed almost knee-deep on the other side. She saw the tendril soon solidify into the unscathed ninja, who looked fascinated by her in the way someone would pretend to be fascinated by a child showing off a bad magic trick.

"I really don't want to kill you," he said, and he was being honest. "Any of you. Except for the seal. I want to eat the seal. Just hand it over and I can be on my way."

"She's not an 'it,' you monster!" Tenten stamped her foot, making the water beneath her splash and appearing even more childlike. He gazed at her, cocking his head to the side and surveying her features. They had a girl-next-door quality about them, for she did not really have any vivid hues in her hair or eyes but was not too plain-faced either. There was something about those catlike eyes. Her outfit was sleek with flowing lines, a neat mandarin collar, and loose material that draped into long sleeves to conceal the weapon holsters underneath. It was divided in slits along the sides to allow for movement and also a generous display of sun kissed leg. Even submerged in all that water, those stems looked temptingly long. They were a nice combination of slender and muscular, and he couldn't help but think that the rest of her was likely the same. The hem of her garb hung partially soaked between her thighs, coming an inch or so above her knee and looked like it was longer in the back.

Aggravated by his stare, Tenten reached into her waist sash and pulled out two sets of stacked blades, flicking them open so they unfolded and splayed out into sharp steel petals.

"What are you going to do with those pretty little things?" he goaded. "Put them in your hair?"

She must have thought the plaited twin buns atop her head would look cute with some accessories, because she surely wasn't about to use those shuriken on him. Successfully, anyway.

"You truly are a despicable human being, Kisame of the Mist," Tenten said venomously. "if you can even be classified as a human being."

"Classifying other humans seems rather inhuman," he retorted aloofly.

"Shut up." She chanted the words for her fire release jutsu and thrust the blades forward with herculean strength. Their paths crisscrossed as they spun at him with breakneck speed, rotating so quickly that they became inflamed. He dodged them once, and swung his sword, dodged them twice and cast a tendril of water to cool them off, dodged them a third time before he engulfed them completely. Tenten was on the move, having used the more elaborate technique as a distraction to get closer to the rogue. She pulled back her right sleeve and fired five successive poison arrows from her crossbow gauntlet. He deflected them with his sword, and she dove to his left side and took out a small throwing dagger with retractable blades folded at the base of the blade. Clicking the button holding them together, they spread in an instant, forming the guard of the weapon in the shape of devil horns and transforming the device from dagger to miniature sai. She threw it straight at his lower abdomen, which only seemed to amuse him as he had anticipated it quite easily. The blade cut through the water that attempted to shield his groin and sunk into its desired objective, which exploded into liquid again.

Moku and Jo watched as the scene repeated, the sword, still wrapped in its bandages, was reclaimed by another water tentacle that morphed into Kisame. Kiki was barking and snuffling rowdily, appearing to want to aid Tenten in battle. Jo held her back and whispered to Moku, "Do you really think Tenten-san can win this? Hoshigaki is one of the most powerful criminals born from Water country. I don't think he's even _trying_."

"You're right about that," came Kisame's voice. "we can hear everything you two are saying, by the way."

"Seriously," Tenten muttered, annoyed at their evident lack of faith in her abilities. Was this really happening right now? This was supposed to be a C-ranked mission for godssake. It's not her fault that an S-class criminal just decided to pop in on them simply because he wanted a snack. If she wasn't there, those two idiots would have been dead in seconds and Kiki would be sausages.

Tenten's heart wrenched. She had to protect Kiki. She was not going to fail this mission. Forget the fact that she wouldn't be able to show her face to Tsunade-sama if she did—Kiki was a precious being that had put her trust in Tenten. She believed in her. The way she was desperately trying to push her tubby self past that dunderheaded duo was a testament to how much she supported the kunoichi. There was no way she was going to let any harm befall that seal. Kiki was going to live to learn the scorpion, damn it.

"This is fun and all," drawled Kisame. "but I really am starving. I haven't had a descent meal in a while. Plus, look how eager your little friend is to be my dinner."

Kiki slapped Moku and Jo simultaneously in her anger at his statement, waving her flippers up and down as if to say, "come at me bitch."

"You have one of the dingiest, most sickening auras I've ever encountered," Tenten said, reaching into the back of her sash and pulling out a baton. She clicked the item, causing it to elongate into a staff, the top of which produced a spearhead with a smaller pronged blade that sprang out to jut from the larger one. He felt relaxed as she brandished her new weapon. She could come at him with any toy in her arsenal, and the result would always be the same.

"I don't believe in auras."

"That is such a Pisces thing to say," she scoffed.

He blinked. "How did you know I was a Pisces?"

Tenten simpered, and his heart almost skipped a beat. "Because I'm a Pisces."

Twirling the spear from left to right, she darted towards him again. He back stepped in tandem with her smooth plunges forward, dodging the weapon and swiping his own in front, which she dodged. They continued like that, her executing the moves flawlessly, with all the careful textbook focus and precision that was typical of her fighting style, and him only using minimal effort. It was an uneven dance that he indulged her in, letting her do so much as stand back to back with him. She might have been tall for a woman but she still felt dainty against his larger figure.

"I'll give you some advice, girl," he said caustically. "Men aren't into all that nonsense. You'll never have a lasting relationship if you're always talking about astrological garbage."

"You're only saying that because Mars is in retrograde!" Tenten rebutted. He rolled his eyes as she twirled around and the spear plummeted at his forehead, catching the blade by its base and snapping it off the shaft. Not sparing a single second to mourn the destruction of one of her favorite weapons, Tenten tossed it aside and reached into her sash. She leapt backwards, throwing a double-bladed crescent axe blade in her wake. It narrowly missed him, slicing off a strand of his navy hair. She was now holding an unsheathed double-edged straight sword, shorter than the standard size as it had been made to be concealed. Tenten charged forward and he swung his weapon at her, her steel cutting through the bandages of his sword and meeting the sentient, downward facing scales that comprised its blade. It emitted a frightening hiss which caused her to jerk away.

"Samehada likes your taste," Kisame remarked. "I suppose he must have a thing for zany, hopeless girls."

"As if you can talk about lasting relationships," she spat, still bitter. "you're nothing but a miserable ogre who's probably never known love at all."

"What is love but a sham full of failed expectations and lies?"

Now it was Tenten's turn to roll her eyes.

"The universe has shown me my place in the world as of present," she said calmly. "and presently, I am meant to be single, thriving in my independence, and putting away salty old men who really ought to wise up to the way of the stars."

He chuckled. How eloquently deluded, he thought. She was the dreamy but impulsive type, probably the kind of girl Deidara would like. The younger member of their organization was always joking about Kisame's complexion and how it probably scared off women.

Maybe she would like him too, if he wasn't a murderous outlaw like the rest of them. No, reasoned Kisame, she was probably more attracted to serious types. Against her better judgment of course.

"I resent that," he commented. "I'm not that old."

"Maybe not in body, but you're a crabby geezer in spirit."

"And you're a child in logic," he said.

"Ugh, you sound just like my ex-boyfriend!" Tenten charged at him again. Block, parry, swipe. Tenten laid her eyes on both sides of her sword—they were completely mutilated. She threw it into the water.

"Okay, it's time to get serious!" she said.

"Ohhh, so you were holding back all that time…"

Kisame started leisurely making his way towards Kiki, who was barking furiously at him. Moku and Jo paled, hurriedly shielding her with their bodies.

"Are you really going to lose your lives over a stupid seal?" the rogue asked. Before either could formulate an answer, they saw Tenten appear in the air above Kisame, firing a rain of stilettos. Using Samehada as a spiky, heaving umbrella, the attack was easily dismissed. She landed in front of the criminal, putting herself between him and the shivering two subordinates behind her.

"Don't call her stupid!" she said. "I told you, she has feelings just like you and me."

"She is stupid," Kisame said. "she can't even talk. She can't have feelings."

"And you think _my_ logic is childish."

"It is," he replied. "but let me clarify: she can't even talk, so if she has feelings, they don't matter."

"You're so horrible."

He bore his awful teeth at her. To get so ruffled over a mere seal…my, he thought, she must have been such a carefree girl. She must have had not been on many dangerous or life-threatening missions in her lifetime. Her young age was of no matter; by their late teens, the most capable ninja were regularly sent on A-ranked missions. Though, he had to admit that her skills with weaponry seemed a bit excessive for being an animal bodyguard. He wouldn't have thought it'd take him this long to procure some meat. From the way she handled her projectiles, he could tell she had excelled as an academy student. The eager fashion in which she tried to show off weapon after weapon led him to infer that she really didn't get too many chances to use them.

"I feel like watching me slaughter this seal up close is about the grisliest thing you'll have seen so far," he said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. Kiki snarled for emphasis.

"I just mean that I think you're kind of simple," he explained. "not dumb-simple, but simple as in you don't expect much from the world and haven't seen much of it either. Judging from how easily satisfied you are by a bunch of meaningless horoscope crap, you'll likely be satisfied with that for the rest of your life."

Tenten was astonished. She put her hands on her hips. "Are you reading my _fortune?"_

"I'd say that was a pretty good reading," he said contentedly. "and I didn't even need to consult the stars."

"Oh," Tenten said, nostrils flaring. " _Oh_. Well, you know what? _I_ just consulted the stars and—breaking news! They reported that you're a huge DICKHEAD and you're going to be like that long into the afterlife!"

"I don't believe in an afterlife."

"That's it."

Tenten pulled a scroll out from her sash and unrolled it in front of her. She chanted the initiation for the jutsu, calling blazing dragons of red, yellow, blue, and green flames to spiral forth from the paper. With deafening screeches, they twisted towards Kisame. She looked over her shoulder, giving Moku and Jo a curt nod.

"But…" Jo hesitated. "we can't just leave y—"

"Kiki needs to stay safe," Tenten said. "that's the mission."

"But Tenten," said Moku.

"Just go."

Kiki whimpered, shaking her head in protest.

"Don't worry about me girl," said Tenten winking. "we need to make sure you're reunited with the Prince eventually. I know you're strong enough to guide these morons out of here."

Tenten looked over to see Kisame fanning away dragon after dragon with Samehada. Turning to Kiki, she commanded firmly—" _go._ "

Black eyes sparkling, Kiki nodded. She nuzzled both Moku and Jo's arms.

"We'll never forget you, Commander!" Moku said. Tenten just grinned confidently in farewell and proceeded to return her attention to the rogue ninja. Her scroll was just about out of dragons. It wasn't too much of a problem, since the last dragon bomb flew out just as Moku and Jo finished chanting Kiki's transport jutsu. They were gone in a snowy whirl.

"Oh come on!" exclaimed Kisame. "There goes my dinner. Thanks a lot, twerp."

"I don't know what the hell you were trying to insinuate, creep," she said. "but I've seen plenty in my experience as a ninja. I've lost people—teammates, family, friends—to ghastly fates just as much as anyone else; I just don't use it as an excuse to go around acting like a brooding douchebag who thinks he's sooo damn original for resorting to a totally pointless brand of nihilism!"

"I have the feeling you're talking about someone other than me," said Kisame, unfazed. "women are so passive-aggressive."

Tenten fired more poison arrows his way, knowing very well that they would be blocked just like everything else she had thrown. She pulled out and engaged another miniature sai-dagger, bounding towards him and clashing against his sword.

"And—so—what—if—I—like—horoscopes!"

She spoke between each clash of their blades, sparks flying until Samehada had quickly dulled that weapon as well. The beastly thing let out another yearning hiss, this time bearing its own teeth.

"It wants to eat you up so bad," Kisame almost crooned. "it's even hungrier than me."

"I'll give it a snack," she threw an exploding tag his way. Samehada gobbled it up, the resulting explosion making a pathetic _spliff_ inside it and leaving smoke to trail out of its mouth. Kisame watched Tenten bound away, flipping onto the armrest of the throne. The back hem of her dress billowed down, covering the the tight, short red undergarments that had been visible when she landed. She was so agile and acrobatic, he thought. Her flexible body could probably be plied and contorted in all the best ways, under adept fingers. With his free hand, Kisame stroked the knot in his shoulder and cracked his spine. He was so rigid. He wouldn't mind her doing some handstands on his back.

"Why are you always looking at me like that?" she asked warily, facing him.

His eyes traveled up and down her lithe form, and she suppressed a shudder. "Sorry. Got lost in thought. Just wondering why you're still trying so hard."

Kisame dodged a series of stilettos.

"I'm trying hard because I try hard on every mission I'm assigned," she said with concrete resolve. "whether it's a C-rank or an S-rank—I never give a lackluster effort. And I never run from a fight. If I die here, at least…at least I'll know I completed the mission."

"You don't really think you're going to die here, do you?" he drawled humorously. "I mean I wouldn't really want your legacy to be 'best arctic seal protector'…I'm sure it wouldn't even be that, since I could probably still catch that seal."

Tenten flushed. Okay, maybe she wanted to take back that last part. She liked Kiki and all but Tenten didn't want her sacrifice to protect her to be her death. But she was going to do everything she could to prevent Kisame form going after her.

"I'm not going to die today," she said. "but you are."

"I am?" he teased.

"Yes."

She jumped from the arm rest, pulling out two bundles of firecrackers. With one sharp gloved claw, she severed the top tie so they unrolled in midair, and she flicked two claw-tips against each other on both hands to light the fuses. Each crack released a different colored smoke, the same ones her dragons had been. As the cracks ate up both strings, the chamber became filled with gases that obscured Kisame's vision and assaulted his nose with their contrasting smells. Some were like perfume, and others were rancid like rotting carcasses. He had heard her land behind him, and turned around to swing his sword. Predictably, it met only contaminated air and swirled the gases around further. Kisame's ears perked up when he heard her initiating another jutsu.

At once, the gases dissipated. Kisame could see again, and he looked down to see hundreds of lotus-shaped steel bombs hovering over the water he was standing in. Tenten, suspended above, put her hands together and whispered a vehement " _Katsu_ ," detonating them all at the same time.

.:.

Tenten sprung from a thick mound of snow to see the ground covered with the remains of the Prince's palace. Her clone had disintegrated in the explosion while she had waited safely underground. A haggard Kisame lay in the middle of the wreckage, unable to do as little as twitch. Tenten stood over the criminal, face expressionless.

"I underestimated you," he breathed. She clenched her fists when she saw Samehada was absent from his side. Biting her lip, Tenten watched him melt into water and soak into the snow.

"Ugh," she lamented, even though she wasn't surprised.

"So destructive," came the voice of the real, completely unharmed Kisame, along with the familiar hiss of his sword. "You obliterated every inch of that place."

"I…" Tenten tried to temper her voice. "I always try…to hit my mark. I _hate_ missing. I miss far more than I should."

"You couldn't have actually thought that was the real me, could you? I think I spared only, what? Three percent of my own chakra to make those clones."

She didn't answer.

He smirked. "Be honest, girl. Could it be that you were just…trying to impress me?"

Tenten bit her lip so hard that she drew blood. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's funny that someone so obsessed with precision leaves her life affairs up to something as unreliable as the universe," Kisame said thoughtfully, changing the subject. "you really are an interesting young lady."

"I resent that," she mimicked him. "I'm not that young."

Chuckling, he felt Samehada relax in his grip. "Turn around. I'm not going to kill you. But you already knew that."

Hating being told what to do, especially by a criminal, Tenten remained still. Her whole body was frigid, not from the subzero temperature, but from defeat.

"The stars probably want you to keep this earring."

She jolted in place, hands reflexively going to her lobes. The left one was empty. Tenten whipped around to see him offering one of her jade studs. She snatched it from his palm, angry at his dumb polite gesture and angry at herself for reciprocating it with no reluctance whatsoever. Fastening the stud back in place, Tenten glowered at him and posed the question— "Why are you pretending?"

"Pretending what?"

"Pretending that you're anything other than a warped, disillusioned killer with no morals."

He shrugged. "I guess it's because I'm a Pisces."

Despite herself, Tenten laughed. It was an airy, dulcet sound that brought warmth into the space between them. He listened to the pixie noise in appreciation. She was truly everything that he could never be, never wanted to be, and yeah, he was a little smitten.

"Your ex-boyfriend gave you those earrings?"

Her expression turned surly and she avoided his eyes. "Yeah."

Kisame didn't bother asking why she still wore them. Catching her off guard, he just captured her chin in the lightest hold, gingerly tilting her face towards his. She knocked him away, indignation glimmering in her amber irises.

"Don't touch me, ass."

"How about I kiss you?"

"You wouldn't dare." She wasn't too drained to pull out a curved throwing knife on cue.

"Just kidding," he said. "How about you buy me a grilled blackfin seabass in exchange for me not killing you?"

Tenten crossed her arms, holding the blade poised in his direction. "I'd rather die than buy you anything."

He sighed. "So be it, girl."

She jumped back into a fighting stance. Kisame groaned. "Oh, just stop. I already told you I wasn't going to kill you, geez."

"You have a confusing aura," said Tenten, frowning.

"I'm sure," he said, smiling garishly. "for the sake of both our auras, perhaps we should call this goodbye. I mean, as long as you're sure you don't want to take me up on my offer."

"Your offer for me to buy you expensive seafood?"

"Yes, that offer."

"I'm positive."

"It wouldn't have to end with the meal," Kisame said persuasively. "it could maybe lead to some unexpected bonding. You could tell me my most favorable planetary alignment while doing all your most _difficult_ yoga poses. And I could just watch…and listen, thoughtfully."

Tenten feigned disgust. "You're like, 40."

He bristled a bit and masked genuine, petty hurt. "I'm only thirty-three. You're so cruel."

She hmphed in response. "Don't you forget it."

"All right," Kisame said, turning away. "Just know that you're missing out on a phenomenal evening. And the most serene morning after."

"I hope you don't think I'm just going to let you go."

Walking away from her, he felt a fluttering sensation in the pit of his stomach.

"You said it yourself," she went on speaking. "you could still go after Kiki."

He paused. "Kiki? That's it's name? Kiki."

"She's not an it!"

Kisame sidestepped three throwing knives. As he resumed walking, Tenten pursued him. Thousands of miles away, in another safehouse (or more like safe igloo) constructed specifically for her, Kiki the arctic seal dreamed of performing a flawless scorpion pose for Tenten, who applauded proudly. Upon arriving at the safehouse, Moku and Jo had wondered why they hadn't all been stationed there from the beginning, but finding that the structure was only large enough to comfortably house Kiki, their wonderings were disappointingly resolved. They sat disgruntled on the outside guarding the seal-shaped entrance, thankful for their heat-regulating bloodline limits but pissed at their astoundingly unremarkable lives as ninja. Meanwhile, Kisame easily gave Tenten the slip, disappearing into the blizzard that had started up spontaneously and hiding his chakra signature so she couldn't follow. She herself didn't attempt to do so and evaporated into a whirl of leaves, going off to track down Moku and Jo, who would be pleased to see their commander was still alive to suffer through the rest of the most anticlimactic mission ever.

Tenten felt the smooth jade in her earlobe, and with all her girlish stupidity, imagined that by law of association she was feeling the strangely dashing rogue ninja's touch. As if it hadn't gone stale. Unlike other things. Shaking the thoughts away, Tenten just smiled her self-assured smile. Weren't the powers of the universe strange indeed! Strange enough to make a believer out of Kisame yet, who ate a meager dinner of fish congee that night at a shady worn-down inn, but envisioned it was black fin seabass. With every mushy spoonful he shoveled into his mouth, he imagined the texture to be that of the grilled delicacy, cut into morsels that were fed to him by a lissome brunette who held the chopsticks with pedicured toes, while standing on her hands, chattering on about the damned universe with that pretty mouth of hers. He woke with the rising sun, which dappled his window with morning light and illuminated the empty space beside him.

Life was boring. Short and boring. Short, painful, and boring. Perhaps he had been right about her simplicity; her convictions were clear cut and immovable, and if that made her simple she thought that it wasn't the worst characteristic to have, not by a longshot. She wouldn't let someone make her doubt herself, friend or enemy. She wouldn't let someone deny her small pleasures.

She laughed as she visualized teaching the tall blue man the spread-eagle. Tenten tried to make sense of the short, painful, boring world by finding her spiritual center, listening to the stars, but she would always first try to make sense of it with humor. That was one thing the two of them had in common.

* * *

Author's Note: Fixed the village thing cus it was bugging me ;) I might continue this into a series of short stories. Also, sorry the guards names were lame lol. Reviews and positive vibes welcome!


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